


Bitter Glass

by lily_zen



Category: Malice Mizer
Genre: Angst, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-21
Updated: 2012-03-21
Packaged: 2017-11-02 07:40:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/366580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_zen/pseuds/lily_zen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by the poem The Two Trees by W.B. Yeats. Mana and Kozi reunite for the first time since the band split.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitter Glass

Bitter Glass

 

Fandom: JRock RPF/Malice Mizer

Pairing: Gen

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: angsty stuff

Archive: Ask

By: Lily Zen

 

Notes: Written a very long time ago.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

\---

 

The Two Trees

 

Beloved, gaze in thine own heart.

Gaze no more in the bitter glass

The demons, with their subtle guile.

Lift up before us when they pass,

Or only gaze a little while;

For there a fatal image grows

That the stormy night receives,

Roots half hidden under snows,

Broken boughs and blackened leaves.

For ill things turn to barrenness

In the dim glass the demons hold,

The glass of outer weariness,

Made when God slept in times of old.

There, through the broken branches, go

The ravens of unresting thought;

Flying, crying, to and fro,

Cruel claw and hungry throat,

Or else they stand and sniff the wind,

And shake their ragged wings; alas!

Thy tender eyes grow all unkind:

Gaze no more in the bitter glass.

 

W.B. Yeats

@---\\----    ----/---@

 

_/A long time ago, or what seems so, I was a god._

_The lights streamed down over my head, an angelic halo. People screamed just for a glimpse of our ambrosia. I would use my tool of choice, the guitar, to give them a taste of my world. While doing so, I would look over my shoulder, catching glimpses of the other gods I stood alongside of, halos consequently beaming down on them as well._

_Then along the way something changed. I’m still not sure what it was. Maybe our fame was too sudden, and standing on shaky legs to begin with when it came crashing down on its knees. However, my mind argues against that thought, remembering long months of little to no money in my bank account. Maybe it was karmic payback for deeds done in a past life. Who knows? Regardless, things went from tasting of the finest merlot to something undoubtedly sour. Things fell apart around me, around us, and my alliance of gods was disrupted._

_Now here I stand, alone, slowly cleaning up the pieces of a shattered dream._

_I still miss the fans screaming out ‘Mana-sama’ every time I stepped onstage. Some still do, but it just isn’t the same. There is no ‘Yu~ki-sama’, ‘Kozi-sama’, ‘Kami-sama’, and yes, even ‘Gackt-sama’ following it._

_Ever since the break-up of Malice Mizer, my malicious misery./_

Mana sat behind his desk at Moi meme Moitie. He didn’t go there often, and usually didn’t care to. The noise often disrupted his concentration, but today he figured a little break from the hectic monotony was in order. Dix Infernal was coming out very soon, the release date looming just around the bend.

 

It was not to say that Mana was nervous about the release of his new band’s album for the Mana the world knew was cool, calm, and in control. More or less he was concerned on how it would be received by fans and critics. It was an important new beginning for Mana in his career, and it was important to begin it properly.

 

He had taken the opportunity of a long weekend to take care of some important personal matters—namely, bills. He was in the midst of addressing his envelopes with pre-made labels one only had to run through the computer to print the proper address. In fact, that was the main reason for his endeavor to Moi Meme Moitie; to use his office’s computer, since he didn’t have one at home. However, a knock on his office door made him pause his conscientious work to call out, “Hai?”

 

One of the stores clerks turned the knob, stepping in with a small bow. “Excuse me, Mana-san, for bothering you, but there is a man outside asking for you. I’m not sure what you would like me to tell him.” The girl looked very nervous to be talking to her employer, and shifted from one foot to the other.

 

Mana took a quick look at her nametag before saying politely, “Don’t worry, Sakurai-chan. I will take care of it personally.”

 

“Of course, Mana-san. Thank you for your time,” the girl, Sakurai, gave another quick bow and backed out of the room, presumably to go back to work.

 

Trying to stifle his initial impulse of curiosity Mana shuffled his papers around for a moment before pushing back his chair and leaving the room. The sound of thick rubber soles smacking against the vinyl flooring of the hallway echoed against the empty hallway until Mana opened the door which would lead him out into the storefront. He took one step onto the wood laminate floor and stopped dead in his tracks, staring at the back of an oh-so-familiar face.

 

The red head turned, hair now dyed a deep burgundy, smiling with ease that hinted at days when in reality months had passed since Mana and Kozi had last spoken. Mana stared at his ex-bandmate and still supposed-friend in silence before snapping out of his stupor. Mana smoothed nonexistent wrinkles out of his pants before resuming his steady pace towards the still red haired guitarist.

 

Standing in front of his old friend a million questions filled Mana’s head, but he chose the most menial to voice. “Ohayou. Are you looking for something in particular, Kozi-san?”

 

Kozi winced when the suffix came out of Mana’s mouth. He had spoken as if they were acquaintances, and not friends who had known each other for years. It was sad to see how great the chasm between them had grown. “I was, but I believe I’ve found it,” he answered with lighthearted ease, “I’m sure I mentioned it to the sales clerk.”

 

“I’m sure you did. Now may I ask what you are doing here?” Mana knew he was being unaccountably rude by being so terse and impatient, but for some reason his earlier nostalgia was replaced with an ache between his shoulder blades, a tension all too familiar by now. The last time he had felt this way was at the meeting held in which the decision to disband had been made. It wasn’t that he felt uncomfortable with Kozi—that couldn’t be it; they were friends—but more like it was his body’s natural response. For Mana it was a flashback to times of struggle and heartbreak, despair and despondence, times better left in the past.

 

“I was in the neighborhood,” Kozi answered finally, “I thought I would stop by on the off chance you were here. Lo and behold, you are, surprise surprise.” He smiled, but it wasn’t a true smile. Tinged with sadness, as all of Kozi’s smiles had been lately.

 

“Oh…I see,” Mana made the attempt to smile politely, “Well I thank you for stopping by.”

 

“Actually, Mana-kun, I was wondering…if you aren’t too busy, do you want to do something sometime? I know we haven’t talked for awhile—“ Kozi winced slightly, “But we’re still friends, ne?” He shifted from one foot to the other, a very common nervous gesture he made.

Mana stared at Kozi, beginning with the dark roots of his rusty red hair and ending with the black boots on his feet. He looked seemingly impassive, but really he was struggling to find the Kozi he knew, not Kozi of Eve of Destiny, not Kozi of Malice Mizer. Just Kozi, his friend. Mana found that man in the way Kozi swept fly-away hair off his cheek and tucked it behind his ear, and in the way he smiled nervously and shifted his stance.

 

Inadvertently, Mana felt his resolve soften, and he found himself saying, “Hai, of course we are, Kozi-kun. If you’re not too busy now, we could go out to lunch.”

 

“There’s a charming restaurant about a block from here,” Mana offered as a suggestion.

 

Kozi smiled widely then, a big happy-Kozi smile, and it made Mana’s eyes cloud over momentarily remembering the thousand other times he had seen that smile and others like it. “Great!” Kozi cried, giving a little jump like an excited child. “Just let me get my coat,” Mana murmured and turned to go into the back of the store again.

 

The whole way to his office and back again Mana’s mind kept yelling at him. _/What are you doing? Are you insane? You’ve barely seen Kozi for months and now all of the sudden you’re best friends again. What kind of behavior is that? Really, Mana, you’ve got work to be doing. Don’t go through that door, not another step I say!/_

 

In the end Mana’s body had a will of its own and took that final step, landing him right before Kozi. The red head looked up and smiled slightly, and Mana found himself smiling back, not a little half smile, but the full charismatic 1,000 watt smile he had when he was truly joyful.

 

“Ready to go?” Kozi asked. Mana nodded in response, not one to waste energy with mindless chatter.

 

They ended up going to a bawdy tavern Kozi knew of that was open at all hours. In the middle of the day the only occupants were the few stray depressed drunks and the bored bar owner. Sitting at a secluded table, there was an uncomfortable silence. Mana stared at Kozi, the one person that he thought he knew so well, and felt a million miles away from him, floating out in space.

 

It was Kozi’s voice that reeled him back down to earth. “Ano…Mana-kun, did you want anything to drink or eat?”

 

“Sure,” the black haired guitarist replied. He glanced at the menu and chose the least greasy-sounding item. “And a beer…whatever’s on tap.” Mana didn’t drink often, but he assumed it was appropriate since they were in a bar.

 

“’Kay,” Kozi answered, seeming distracted, and got up to tell the bartender their order. He returned a moment later with two large foamy mugs of beer. Mana took his mug from Kozi and grasped it uncertainly, debating again just what the hell he was doing there. He took a sip from the drink, trying to distract himself.

 

“Damn,” Kozi burst out with abruptly, “When did things become so weird between us?”

 

Mana blinked innocently at the redhead. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Kozi-kun.”

 

‘Liar,’ Mana said to himself silently.

 

Kozi seemed to echo his thoughts and scoffed out loud. “Sure you don’t, Mana-kun.”

 

Guiltily, Mana stared at the golden liquid like he was trying to discern the future. As if anyone could mistake the great Mana for a gypsy fortuneteller. “How’s Yu~ki?” He asked suddenly, his voice slicing through the dismal air.

 

Kozi looked at him over the rim of his mug. Both hands clasped around it like a drowning man would to a lifesaver. Finally Kozi answered, squinting his eyes at nothing. “I don’t really know. We talked on the phone yesterday, but that doesn’t really say much, does it?” There was a reflective pause, then the redhead continued, “I think he’s hurting and healing. We all are, ne? Just in different ways.”

 

Nodding, Mana replied in a whispery voice, “You and I lose ourselves in work to heal the pain, and Yu~ki gets lost within himself.” A thought occurred to Moi dix Mois’s guitarist. “You sound like you’ve been seeking us out, Kozi-kun; Yu~ki yesterday, me today.”

 

The other guitarist shrugged. “Maybe,” he admitted, “But I don’t think we should let breaking up as a band break up our friendship. Do you? I mean, you still talked to Gakuto-san after he left the band.”

 

For a long time Mana remained silent, contemplatively picking apart the napkin beneath his beer with the long claws so perfectly applied by a stranger. Kozi was right, Mana decided then. Maybe being together as well as being apart would help them all heal. Could solace be found in the arms of those who had put the hurt in his heart in the first place? There was no reason not to try.

 

Grinning like a mad man, Mana raised his glass and toasted Kozi. “You, my friend, are positively correct.” The petite man tossed back his head and downed the remaining contents of the glass. “We should go out next weekend and do something odd…like bowling…with Yu~ki.”

 

Kozi smiled at Mana and a spark was rekindled that both had thought long dead. On impulse the owner of Jeune Fille jumped up and reached over the table, hugging the redhead. Yes, perhaps solace could be found there if one was willing to try hard enough. / _Persistence, hope, and love; those are the keys._ /

 

-Fin-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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